this is my worship...

I don't post any of my paintings online but I'm finding their growth so incredibly fascinating, that I have to share at least one...

I've never studied art or how to paint. I do, however remember, from the one-and-only painting class I took in art school as a teenager, that to begin a painting, one must first loosely block in some sort of warmth gradient in contrasting-complimentaries - kind of like seeing the subject matter through the eyes of the alien in Predator (if that makes sense) - well, at least that was my understanding at the time. I've subsequently realized that most of my schooling passed bye in faint drones, as I adventured absent in body through the South Pacific islands on a raft. I invariably dropped that class as soon as I got wind that Id cut the grade to do photography and sadly, never progressed beyond the undercoat of that strange looking model in his underpants. Haa haa

Personally, I think God likes it that way, as I can never rely on my own clever abilities, but rather die completely to man's processes, so that He can flow through me. He has taught me not to focus so much on the end product but rather the intimate experience of Him. The juxtaposition of creative expression - I have always seen a white canvas as the embodiment of Faith. The tension between fear of the unknown and the overwhelming excitement of unlocking what's inside. Each experience renewing the mind to the fact that He is who He says He is and that is altogether good.

The last couple years of painting with children, has taught me that the less external influence, the better. It is invariably, a whole nother dynamic when you are being commissioned commercially on a big scale to 'produce' though, I wont lie... but all the more reason to follow desperately after God! I have nothing worthwhile to offer but the Creator Himself, who resides within me. I'm only now starting to make sense of why God asked me to study teaching and work with kids... 4 years of university and 3 years of teaching later. My close friends will all vouch for the years of studying - it was the hardest thing, I think Ive ever done! But now, I am seeing the fruit of the pure freedom and raw energy inside the untouched gifts of children - its incredibly inspiring and equally humbling.

I am not a musician, or rather, I never acquired the discipline of a musical instrument (a frustraaaated musician -yes!) but growing up, Id often find myself envying my musician friends, in the way they could just pick up guitars and begin strumming a cord or two to feel Heaven invade the room and I longed for that freedom they had to harmonize their heartfelt expression with that of their bodies.

I guess, as Ive learnt to yield, I've discovered that this is actually my worship of Him - what I was designed for. His presence falls in the room like a weight the moment I pick up a paintbrush and its my most favoritest way to fall into His sticky presence. Something like the many moments, where Ive sat alongside my friends with my head resting on the side of a baby grand, as they've found that freedom to express and release what they feel inside for Him.

Born out of a place of intimacy with Jesus...

Religion (the subtlety of the South African 'culture' - rugby; church country-clubs and placid trophy wives) robbed a lot of my creativity from me but let me tell you this...and I'll scream it out the windows....God is PASSIONATE about art!!!! He adores the uniqueness of who we are. Our quirks, squeals of laughter, mismatched randomness... the Art of who we essentially are - real and raw and passionate and messy... not just pretty little flowers in sweet tones and pleasant shades. Its a lie that you need to conform to fit into prescribed Woolworths shoe-boxes of checked shirts and chinos. I'm loud and shy; my laugh is so high pitched, I think only certain breeds of animals are able to hear it. I'm intense and don't take much serious at all, I'm forgetful but remember everything. I'm disorganized and never plan and yet am chronically pedantic. I hate maths yet I find myself obsessively decoding number plates in traffic. I love pretty clothes but hate shopping and care little for fashion. I want to build an igloo but cant bare the cold...the jist of what I'm saying? We have been made PERFECT to release something of Heaven through the unique combination of giftings we carry. You have been made perfect by Him...not an, "aah sweet, you're special" NO! Creator God, passionate and full of blazing fire, intently fashioned the details of who you are for a purpose that is greater than you. The enemy would have you believe, that it needs to be watered down to fit some kind of 'ministry mold' to be effective, but that is one of the craftiest lies ever told! Vommit on it! Everything has already been made available for you. You are freedom when ultimate Freedom resides inside of you....not only freedom for yourself - but more importantly, freedom for those around you who are desperately searching for it, almost to the point of death.

During a crazy meeting 6 months ago, I was pinned to the floor and went into a trance for a couple hours. God began to show me how religion had essentially robed me of well, me...the real me. How in man's inability to understand me, I was controlled and required to full a place I was never designed to full - and then despite my fruitless efforts, seen as rebellious or 'not serious about the things of God' - subsequently my creativity was blocked... for years on end. I just wept as lies were being ripped out of me - religion, the pain of being misunderstood, the disapproval of man, the insecurities I carried for not having had any training. I then got lifted up and transported inside the paint of Heaven like waves, and as I moved freely inside the rivers of the most incredible colours and textures my physical eyes have not yet seen, the paint brushed passed my skin like gentle sunlight, bringing healing. This seemed to go on for what seemed like hours, then my Dad began to show me a picture of me, free from all that crap. It was radically terrifying and exhilarating at the same time (if that makes sense). My friends eventually dragged me off the floor and carried me to the car as they needed to lock-up the building...and I woke up the following morning, a free artist with the full accreditation and approval of Heaven. It had always been there, the enemy just recognizes the need to try whatever means to harness that potent power. Buuut my God triumphed yet again.

So jea, I'm now painting with knives - something like icing deliciously decadent 3 meter cakes. Funnily enough, I love sugar! My mom tells me that I used to tell her that, 'when my eyes wake up, my mouth asks for sweet things'. He is my nectar, my sticky sustenance....I just cant get enough of Him.

I was commissioned this year to do all the artwork for a contemporary new hotel and this is one of my last pieces.